Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Learning. Lots of it.

Hey all... Well, its been crazy. My life is crazy. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I dont.

Well, lets start with the sometimes I dont part. Turns out, I do have one of the new littles from last week. BUT, thank the Lord, its a good thing for my room and my two littles. The "middle child" of mine (the newest before the NEW one last week), has been acting out, and its been extremely difficult on me. Last week was trying, and hard, and I hated a lot of it. She has a lot of anger issues, and tends to "lash out" on me most of the time. Im working on a few techniques to deal with her, and so far, its working a bit. Its also helping me to work on me. My newest little, from last week, has been doing well. She is soft spoken, and has some pretty crazy issues. I didnt think it would be this hard having two levels, but Im the only one of our group that has ever had two levels at once, and its HARD. I feel like I constantly need help with them, and need a lot of time TO BREATHE!!!!! Having someone attached to me is like not having air. Bad analogy, but its how I feel sometimes. ANyways, Im working through it. Sometimes I ask God why, why, why, but I know that I dont need to know the answer. I do need to know though that God is sovereign, and that all things work for his good. I might not like some of this stuff, but its certainly making me, forcing me to grow.... dang!

Also, there have been several "personal" battles going on with me... selfishness, entitlement, and lonliness. Its hard, and I hate it, but its stuff that needs to be worked through, as all things... and Im feeling a sense of getting to the top of the hill and working my way down, as opposed to climbing up, like I felt like I was yesterday. ONE day at a time... seriously. One day at a time.

Tonight, the guy house directors had a little concert at Starbucks, (where Im currently typing my fastest because I only HAVE 10 mins left until they kick me out!!!!), and it was awesome. A TON, well, a lot of the Doulos people came to see him, as well as some of the guy littles. I got to spend time with some of my favorite people, it was so cool. The Lord knew that I needed that... and it was in addition to my sweet, and most favorite time of the week with my mentor!!!! I sat next to the associate Staff, Erin, and it was like she was speaking to my heart. She asks the right questions, and I love that about her. I felt like it was so right that I was sitting there, having her talk to the deepest places of my heart. Then, after she left, I got to sit next to one of the staff counselors, Joani. SHE IS SO cool too. We got to talk about a few littles, which I try to not do on my days off, but shes SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO insightful and supportive. Then our convo moved on to dating and my singleness, and its just so cool to see how God moves in a conversation to really speak to people, like me. Shes encouraging, and so just, awesome. I love that word I guess. God used two different people, whom I care so much for, to really speak to me. I felt the hand of God on my heart tonight, and its nice because I really needed it.

SO, I only have 5 minutes left... I need prayer!

1. My middle child, her anger, and MY sanity in that.
2. My own issues, working through them with love, and with an open heart.
3. Still financial provision.... and that I can have more trust in that area.
4. My family, I feel is falling apart.... prayer for health, jobs, and healing
5. My spiritual life, that I can keep it alive, and keep praying for strength to come from him, because its the only place I can get it.
6. My singleness... that I can keep on being content in where God has me...........
8. My future, and the options that God has lined up, and that doors open and shut accordingly, and that I can be obidient to the call of the LORD!
9. Strength TO ENDURE this hard time

But I praise the Lord that I've had an awesome day off, and that I am surrounded by a community that loves me, and that holds me accountable. I praise the Lord that I am being stretched beyond my own reasoning, and that I am growing, even when its painful.

Thank you for your support in reading this, it encourages me more that you can even begin to imagine... But if you're looking for a more creative way to encourage me, try these things that bring more life to my heart: notes/cards in the mail, pictures, emails, gift cards, facebook emails, and PHONE CALLS!

Love you all, thanks for stoppin by... they are turning lights out!

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