Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Another one leaves and more chaos...

Another one graduated today... Unfortunately, I decided that rest was more important. Sad, I know. Especially since she was my little a few months ago. Its great that she graduated, it almost didnt happen. I think her future is very bright.

So, here they are, my first two littles, Savannah and Casey!
(Savannah, me, Erin, and Casey, right around Christmas)

They are so precious! I miss them like crazy already!
Anyways... Things have been going alright. I have a lot of things swimming around my head lately...

My dad is having a really difficult time right now. I dont know that he has/is really grieving, but I think thats to be expected. My heart aches for him, and how I wish I was there with him. I dont really know how to encourage him, other than to call and send him encouraging scriptures.
I think that, after processing this, I am carrying his burdens for him, that I am bearing a lot of that stuff. I dont know why, or how to stop doing this. Its a hard thing to "unlearn"...

My middle child, and I feel like I need to name her for your sake... how about "Amy". Okay. SO, Amy still has a lot of anger issues, and actually lashed out on me last Friday morning, again. This time was more hurtful than the rest, and really freaked me out (on the inside). She has a perfomanced based outburst, expecting a reaction... and I just stood there. AH! It was terrible. Thankfully, after talking to her counselor, we had to find some new techniques to really respond and deal with her. After school, she came to me with an apology note and a better attitude. We were able to process through it, and came to a pretty good conclusion. Its hard, but Im learning, and so is she. AND, pretty soon she will be level 3, which means I dont have to worry about being attached to her anymore, or be in her conversations anymore. SOOOO wonderful!!!

My other two, the newest, lets call her "Becca", and the oldest, "Kate", are doing pretty well. They all have their moments, but thats life. Becca is slowly coming out of her shell, which is great, and Im teaching her to really speak up and use her words. Sounds silly. But true. And Kate is getting close to level 4, which is awesome! I love all my girls... even when its hard, like a true parent would. Im a parent. Crazy.
Im also trying to sort out some relationships, which is hard, and scary all at the same time. I hate conflict, but also know its neccessary to grow.... dang! I will get there, to a place thats easier to confront and etc... but until then, its going to be messy. YUCK.

Im trying to think about what else I was going to say.... I cant really remember. My brain has poured out so much lately, its hard to really retain.
Things I need prayer for:
1. Financial provision.
2. My dad... that a) I would full give the burdens I feel to the Lord to carry and b) that he can grieve fully, in time.
3. My patience, its wearing a little bit thin...
4. My relationship with the Lord, that it be renewed and more, and deeper.
5. My attitude, that I can really appreciate where the Lord has me, and be OKAY with it...
6. What my future holds, and how to be patient.
7. My relationships, that they can be renewed and great.

Thanks for reading!

Savannah and I at her baptism!

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