Freedom from Bondage

The theme for this week is Freedom from Bondage... The Lord led me to Mark 5 and Joshua 5. They are RANDOM passages. Mark 5 is about pigs that were possessed, and Joshua 5 is mostly about circumcision. BUT the main message is that the Lord delivers you into freedom from bondage. Its really cool for me because I feel like I have so much bondage from my past, and just with believing lies, and with patience. But the Lord makes us free from it. How amazing. It was also cool that HE led me there.

We had another little graduate last week, Rachel "Frenzy". SHE is awesome. I really do miss her!! Our house is dwindling down quickly... we'll probably have 4 more gone in about 6 weeks. WOW! It is so weird to think that things change so fast.

This past weekend was family weekend, and it was a combination of good and hard. I had the opportunity to have meals with the parents of the girls in my room. It was so fun to learn more about them, and to see where the kids come from. It was awesome. "Becca" 's mom and I truly connected. I promised to pray for her during this extremely hard time, and she promised to pray for me as well. HOW amazing that a parent would actually say that to me. It was wonderful. The other two meals were great as well, but not nearly as good as the first one. But it was a hard weekend too. Emotions were high, and there were lots of frustrations. Our newest little was acting out because she didnt get to have the same time with her parents the rest of the kids got to since she is so new. It was heartbreaking looking her parents in the eyes knowing that they have no control, and that I AM the authority of their daughter. Incredible really. AH so difficult.

As I look forward to September, I still have nothing planned. Its a bit scary, but Im trying to handle it. I have a few applications out right now. They are both like Shelterwood. One is the Julian Youth Academy in California, and the other is New Horizons Youth Ministry and has two locations, Indiana and the Dominican Republic. I spoke to New Horizons a few days ago, and they were sending my application to the D.R. for them to review! Incredible. I should hear back in a few days, I hope. I feel stuck sometimes because there are so many things I want to do, but cant really do anything for a little bit. Its also nerve-racking and unsettling. I dont like not having a plan. But at least Im trying. Lord, I pray that you open doors for me to walk through. I also pray that you close doors so that I may see what you still have waiting for me. I pray that your will will become alive.

Things I need prayer for:

1. Financial Provision, God hasnt let me down yet.

2. Doors to open and doors to shut.

3. My sanity for my room.

4. Weight loss to continue at a steady pace! Weigh ins are on Wednesdays.

5. That my time with the Lord grow, and that I hunger for Him MORE.

Frenzy and I at her graduation!

Weekends are my least favorite time of the week...

Its been an extremely hard week for me. On top of that, I've been sick, and thankfully Im almost done with that. 

Lets start at the beginning I guess. One of the girls (Im almost positive one of the ones in my room) stole something from me. Maybe I should back up... Okay, so I started Weight Watchers again a few weeks ago, and so far am doing really well! I've already lost 5.2 pounds, which is a HUGE feat for me. Anyway, as part of that, I bought Special K protein water mixers so that when Im about to chew my arm off from being hungry, that it takes the edge off of the hunger monster. They are expensive for my very small salary. So, fast forward to last Wednesday, my day off. I come home to find an empty packet in the bathroom trash. I went to bed SO angry! I confronted my room the next day and gave them 24 hours to fess up or they were all getting the stealing consequence of 3 Work Hours (lots and lots of cleaning and not very fun projects) and 1 week of property grounding (cant leave property/cant have anything from off property). Well, that didnt go very well. They were extremely upset and mad at me, it was HORRIBLE! I havent really questioned myself that much since I got here, but had several people reassure me. AH! So 24 hours went by with no confession. They actually turned things back to me, thinking that I had done it but forgot! That made me so mad!!! Well, no one confessed, and so they all got consequences. Thats when they all got mad! Didnt make for a very fun house night at first. Well, Im pretty sure I know who did it, but I dont have proof, and she isnt fessing up... so they all have to live with the consequences of it. These girls, I swear... a handful! Im actually really excited for room switches in a few weeks. 

Its also parents weekend coming up, which is really great because its a lot less stressful than last time, and its not going to be as crazy. Im looking forward to it... plus we get treated, most of the time, to food. I love food...  but I gotta be good!

Im applying for jobs in the residential care world, or at least Im thinking about it. I have the applications, but havent filled them out yet. I think Im waiting for a response from a nanny opportunity that has come up. Its in Cheyenne, WY, about 3 hours from my best friend and 1.5 hours from Denver. It sounds wonderful, but its a waiting game like everything else. I might go visit the family in a few weeks too, how fun! But, Im also trying to hear from the Lord on the future, but its SO hard! I dont want to wait! 

I could use prayer in the following areas...

1. Finances, Im getting low in this area. Pray for provision. 

2. Future opportunities, that I hear from the Lord, and feel peace.

3. My room, my girls, that we can function well, and without conflict.

4. My personal weight loss challenges... Im doing well so far! Pray for 6 more pounds by May!

5. Rest and peace. 

Thank you for reading this, it makes me feel loved!

Reality Check

I dont have much time to write...

Do you ever feel like you cant catch a break, or get a breath of fresh air? Thats exactly how I feel.

I was going to apply for House Director, but turns out Im not qualified. Now I feel lost. As lost as I was before finding out about Doulos. My sister's mom passed away last week. Now I feel lost. As lost as thinking, "will this ever end".

I want so many things. I need so many things. But Im lost.

Please Pray for me.